Bad Habits
by Luanne Crosby
2007
◆◇◆◇◆◇◆◇◆◇◆◇◆◇◆◇◆◇
This is one of my personal favorites. I wrote it during a period of self discovery.
I miss my bad habit
The one that made me high
That little shift in consciousness could really get me by
I felt clever, I felt funny, and oftentimes profound
But paranoia soon set in
Transcendence turned to confusion
Maybe something changed within my brain
I’ve tried a few tokes since then but it never feels the same
I miss my bad habit
The one that calmed me down
I’d fret then have a cigarette to turn my mood around
Good with coffee, great with booze
A satisfying break
But I couldn’t breathe, I couldn’t sing
And cancer’s not a laughing thing
And though I miss the ritual of smoke
I had a few drags since then but they only made me choke
I miss my bad habit, the one that eased the pain
That little buzz of alcohol running through the brain
Nights were fun, friends were too
Whenever bored or down
But though it seemed to do the trick
I’d always wake up feeling sick
Now if I drink too much it’s a mistake
A glass or two of wine’s about as much as I can take
I miss my bad habit, the one that hid the scars
A pair of arms to hold after a night spent in the bars
I felt loved and I felt special
When I thought I’d found the one
But pretty soon it all came clear
My search for love just sprang from fear
These days I’m more resolute
There are just some things for which there is no substitute
I miss my bad habits, seems like nothing fits the bill
So I’ve got to face the emptiness
Find my own internal bliss
Standing on the edge of the abyss, like this
I know I will